By Mary Cucarola – 9/25/20

The dawn brings an unlikely companion; the past has become a friend. This is the surprise we have been waiting for.  Suddenly, there is no struggle to hide from memory and imagination.  Suddenly, memory is sweet and imagination liberating.” ~Molly Fumia, Safe Passage

In the Caribbean with a new friend he met on the ship. Cody was a friend to all and a stranger to none.

The strain of my past trauma is not returning to mark the 7th anniversary of Cody’s death today, like it has in the past. There is no struggle for me to hide from the memories.  Where normally on this day, I slide back into guilt and regret, I prepare to cherish the day.  When he was there to greet me this morning, his presence was met with very little crying or sorrow.

Happy in the Caribbean!

Together we begin the day, thinking only of the good memories and letting go of the bad ones. He left behind countless treasures to be remembered and shared.  I open his high school scrapbook once again and each of these joys leaves me with a way to celebrate him and his short life, instead of mourn it. These memories are his spirit coming through.

A part of me died with him, but it doesn’t mean I can’t go on living without him. It just means he is always by my side, amusing me with his sly smile and inspiring me with his kind heart.

It feels as if seven years has been agonizingly long, and at the same time I have made steady strides toward my recovery. The day has come where there are more moments of healing than of grieving. I’ll never quit telling his story, and at the same time I recognize my story is being told, too.

Mary Cucarola – 9/25/20

Comments 1

  1. Love you, seester! I feel much the same today. Bowman noticed Sonic the Hedgehog in my yellow garden, He bent down and kissed him. My heart melted knowing maybe in some strange way Cody touched Bowman today. Miss him and love his memories.

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